Bikes, Beers, and Books: Summer of Debauchery

so, i got fired recently. considering my previous blog where i discussed my dislike for people, losing my job was not a bad thing. the fine state of missouri is providing me with unemployment and i have decided to take this summer to bike instead of drive, drink a lot of beer, and read a ton of books.

i am also giving up relationships for the summer. i can date and have fun, but no boyfriends and no serious relationships with feelings. summer of zero attachments and commitments and responsibilities until September 1.

i am also going to try and keep a running blog to document the BBB summer. cheers.

on being unhappy

I seem to have a true talent for being unhappy. I have many talents; writing, roller derby, cooking, but being unhappy is my one true shining skill. If you could be a professional performer of unhappy, I would be famous.

Aside from having a talent for being unhappy, I also am a professional at creating situations in which I can be unhappy. Or in ruining situations in which I could be happy, which is the opposite of unhappy. It is as if I am afraid to cheat on unhappy with success, or joy, or contentedness. Damn you, monogamy.

Example: I once met a boy. He was wonderful, intelligent, hilarious and had good hair. I felt very happy. I was laughing a lot and smiling and doing lots of cuddling. Unhappy got jealous and demanded that I leave happy and come back to him (unhappy). So, I set about systematically destroying the relationship, much to unhappy's delight. I ruined it to the point that good hair boy will never speak to me again. The only positive thing I can say is that at least I'm not a cheater. I am a one-emotion kind of woman. Lucky me.

Anti-social social worker

i am a social worker. i work with chronically mentally ill homeless and/or marginally housed adults. i drive them to doctors appointments, to monthly meetings with their probation officers, to the grocery store, and anywhere else they want to go. i am a personal assistant to people that scream profanity at me and threaten me on a regular basis. i organize the lives of crack heads, prostitutes, registered sex offenders, and paranoid schizophrenics. in essence, i have the worst job imaginable. the best part? i do not even like people. i realize that my being a social worker might lead you to believe otherwise, but you would be wrong. i do not like people. good thing i have this degree in being social. the other best part? i get paid a mere $32,000 to do my job. i am thankful everyday that i spent all of that money getting this masters degree.

as a broke social worker, i am constantly looking for ways to make more money. just last week a client offered me this great money-making scheme. he plans to get together a group consisting of him and his sex offender buddies to move into a house in a neighborhood. they will then advertise that they are sex offenders, therefore driving down property values, therefore making people move, thereby allowing him and his friends to buy homes. they will do this in various neighborhoods continuously, until they become real estate moguls. donald trumps with parole officers and a penchant for children. genius. all he wants from me is to front the initial down payment.

i'm in.